I was thinking $60 plus tip.
A few rounds of drinks. Perhaps a hookah. MAYBE an appetizer if I ended up feeling particularly generous and I thought she might put out.
I hadn’t been on a date in a couple weeks though so I wasn’t too worried about fucking up the budget.
$60 plus tip was what I expected to spend. Probably be at at the bar for 2 hours or so. That’s usually the amount of time it takes for seduction to run it’s course.
I was planning on just running her through the same first date game I had run a thousand times before.
She would park at my place “for her convenience” since the bar next-door we were going to has “really bad parking”. (Which actually is true – don’t go calling me a dirty conniving pussy-hound just yet.)
Once settling into our seats at the bar, I would then make friendly chat for 20 minutes or so before playing the “crazy questions game” leading off with “so where’s the craziest place you’ve ever had sex?”
We’d continue to play the game as I slowly but surely escalated my touching from playful arm taps to sensual knee rubs, staying ever-so-mindful of her reactive body language to cue me in as to when I should proceed for a kiss.
But none of that happened.
I was sitting on my couch watching Rae Sremmurd music videos and drinking Coors Lite when my phone started buzzing.
She was calling to let me know she had just parked at the bottom of my building. So I got off the couch and got ready to go downstairs and walk over to the bar with her.
Until she said.. “So what floor are you on?”
And then it hit me like a ton of bricks. She was already down to hookup and I didn’t even need to waste my time or money taking her out.
“Oh.. Uhh.. 5th floor”
She entered my apartment. I poured her a glass of Trader Joe’s finest and fired up Netflix. It couldn’t have been more meme-worthy.
I played a very condensed version of the crazy questions game with her right there on my couch. Then I decided to try out a new gambit I’ve been running and told her that I recently got my “massage license” and I wanted to try out my new skills on her.
She knew I was full of shit but allowed me to ravage her body with my hands regardless.
It wasn’t long before my shoulder rubs turned into shoulder kisses which turned into neck kisses which turned into real kissing. After a little makeout session on the couch I picked her up, carried her to the bedroom, and tossed her on the bed.
Right before the fucking commenced, I glanced at the time to see that only 20 minutes had passed since this stranger had walked through my door. And then one final thought went through my head.
Just how many unnecessary Tinder dates have I been on that could have been twenty minute Tinder fucks?
I should really do a better job of identifying the girls who will fuck in the same night vs. the ones who will fuck in the same half hour.
Okay now you can call me a dirty conniving pussy-hound.
On a separate note, the Liberator sex pillow proved to be a worthwhile purchase. It’s the black object you see lying on my bed in the aftermath of this story.
Stories like these weren’t possible before I learned game. In the 21st century you no longer have to be a king or a rockstar to live like one.
If you’re interested in getting your dating life together so you can have more experiences like this too, then I recommend you check out the following resources: