2016 was upon me and I had opted to ring in the New Year by attending an EDM festival in Dallas, Texas. Electronic Dance Music isn’t necessarily my scene, but I had friends going and it had been awhile since I was in the midst of a wild music festival. I love meeting girls at festivals. I go back and forth between hanging out with my friends and then going off on my own for a bit to talk to scantily clad women and put my genius pick up line to use, “Hey, do you know who’s playing right now?”


It seems that with each passing year I am continuously blown away by what is considered acceptable clothing attire for females. It seems like just yesterday I was chuckling with friends how awesome it was that provocative yoga pants and skin tight leggings were spreading like wildfire across my college campus. However, in recent years there is a new clothing trend among young women which is particularly shocking. The Rave Girl (shown below).

The Rave Girl is becoming more and more widespread. Bikini top, cheekies/thong, leg straps, and furry boots.


What’s particularly interesting is how widespread these outfits are becoming. As always, it started out with just the sluts. The sluts are always the early adopters of promiscuous trends that make their way to social acceptance.  But now it is becoming the norm for any girl to wear this outfit as long as she has the excuse of, “I mean, it’s a rave.”


After approaching these girls like a machine over the course of the 2 day festival, I noticed there are 3 types of women who wear this outfit.


Original Sluts

These are the girls that pioneered the rave outfits in early 2010s. These O.G.s of promiscuity are actually now becoming a minority of the rave girl bunch. They are typically in the 5-7 range, have 2-3 visible tattoos, and they are usually looking to go home with a guy that night. The best way to figure out if a girl falls into this category is by asking her about the group she came to the concert with. If she came by herself or with 1-2 other similarly dressed girls and no guys, then she is likely an Original Slut.


Attention Whores

These girls are better looking than the Original Sluts. They typically range in the 7-10 scale but they always travel in groups of 1-2 Attention Whores with at least one large muscular guy. The guys in these groups are almost always friend-zoned but no matter how deep in the hole they are, they are hoping the music festival is where they can turn things around. You must always befriend them first before talking to their girls. Introduce yourself to the guy and don’t even look at the girls until you’ve had a chance to be cool with him. It helps to offer him a beer and especially helps to tell him you’ve got some hot girls in your group you want to introduce him to. As you’re making friends with the males, take careful note of which females are listening to you and paying the most attention to you. The Attention Whores will shoot down at least 2 guys every hour of the festival so you’ve got to step to them with some game and more than likely will have to befriend her group.



There’s not a whole lot to be said about this bunch who don the Rave Girl. They can be seen leading their boytoys by the hand into the crowd of rowdy concert-goers while the boyfriend keeps a watchful eye out for potential threats. The boyfriend never lets her out his sight and he keeps her cuffed by his side as much as possible. The Girlfriend only wears the provocative Rave Girl outfit because the attention she receives from her one boyfriend is never enough. She needs to be constantly reminded that her options are plentiful so when her current relationship inevitably bites the dust, there will be no lag time in between dicks.


During my time at the festival, I approached all 3 types of rave girls. My main strategy was to keep an eye out for the ones who were by themselves. They had either lost their friends or were in line for beer. I would walk up in line and ask dumb questions like “Do they sell beer here?” and “Do you know who’s playing right now?” and then just go from there. Once you’ve asked a question or two it’s easy to gauge her interest in continuing the conversation further. Some will brush you off but it’s only a matter of time until you find one who bites.


I figured that if I just did enough approaches I was bound to eventually find a girl who was down. As it would turn out, the girl I ended up with that night was the one who approached me. The concert was over and the lights came on. Last call game – music festival edition. Suddenly a girl appears by my side and asks me if I’m lost. We chat for a few minutes and she asks if I want to split an Uber with her. I say yes. She’s good looking and she was wearing an orange rave girl outfit. She told me that she was from Vegas, had come all the way out to Dallas by herself, and she had three visible tattoos. It was no question which of the above categories she fell into. For a moment I was even concerned that she may have been a prostitute. I did some quick math. Vegas girl + aggressive approach + splitting an Uber with a stranger = 70% chance of a prostitute. I considered bailing but the hotel room I was staying in had 5 people sleeping there. I really didn’t want to share a shitty pullout couch with someone. I weighed my options and decided to take my chances with the potential hooker. I was ready to shoot down her request for cash and bail if it came down to it.


We make the journey to her hotel room and she takes it upon herself to pour a small glass of Grey Goose for me to consume. It was 4 in the morning so I take a sip and sit the glass back down. She continues to insist that I finish it and I become slightly worried that she’s trying to drug me. I knew nothing about this girl other than her hotel room number which I figured was enough to keep her from trying anything crazy since room numbers are tied to names and credit cards.


We lay in bed and chat while I sip the Grey Goose. She gets up and goes to the other side of the room for a second and I take my chance to discreetly toss out the drink without her noticing. In the end, I don’t think there was anything sketchy going on, I just really didn’t want to drink vodka at 4 in the morning when I was crashing and ready to pass out. At this point in the night, I was ready to just get some sleep. When it came time to play, condoms were nowhere to be found. She kept trying to convince me that she didn’t have an STD, which effectively convinced me that she had an STD. She started being bitchy to me while we were fooling around and killed the vibe. I decided I would not have sex with her. I instead made her my sexless innkeeper.


She did not take kindly to my not wanting to have sex with her. She started bitching and cursing at me. She started pouting in frustration. She accused me of not being attracted to her and accused me of being gay. She called me a “fucking asshole” several times and complained about how she was nothing but nice to me. While I was laying there pretending to have already fallen asleep she started playing with my dick to try to arouse me. Finally she started hitting me to wake me up and told me to leave.


It was past 5 in the morning and I had no room key to my hotel. I was miles from where I was staying and I didn’t think my friends were going to be able to wake up to let me in. I tried telling her all this and asked her if I could sleep until 8 or 9 and then I would be gone. She was persistent in trying to kick me out to the street at 5 in the morning with nowhere to go. Finally I just pretended to be asleep and she gave up trying to kick me out. But not after kicking me in bed and calling me a “fucking asshole” over and over. Every part of me wanted to leave but I knew my friends back at my hotel were passed out hard.


As I laid there pretending to be asleep I wondered, what if the roles were reversed here? What if a girl got in bed with me, refused to have sex with me, and I reacted the same way as this girl did? What if I threw a similar tantrum, called her a fucking bitch, kicked her, touched her while she was sleeping to arouse her, and ultimately tried to put her out on the street at 5 in the morning when I didn’t get what I wanted? I would be called a monster. But for some reason it’s not a big deal for a girl to behave this way if a man denies her sex.


I chose not to have sex with her out of legitimate concern of catching whatever diseases she may of possessed. But she took no moral issue in continuing to use every tactic imaginable to try and pressure me, tactics that men could be expelled or arrested for. The sunrise finally came. I got no more than two hours of sleep, didn’t say a word to her upon waking, and got the hell out of there. Next time I’m going to go for a different category of Rave Girl.

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