The great double standard in dating is this: The more women a man sleeps with, the more respect he gains among his peers. The more men a woman sleeps with, the more respect she loses among her peers.
This double standard goes back as far as anyone can remember. Some people take issue with it and argue that it’s not fair and that women should be able to be just as promiscuous as men can be with no social consequences.
But here’s why I think fairness in this scenario is not really attainable: You can’t rewrite biology.
There are certain biological laws of attraction that cannot be erased by any form of philosophy, protest, or legislation.
If some people start calling on men to turn a blind eye to a woman’s promiscuity, that doesn’t change the underlying laws of attraction.
Men don’t want to commit to a woman who has given herself away freely to dozens of men. Men want a woman who makes other men earn her.
On the other side, most women want a high-value man who is clearly liked by other women. If a guy doesn’t have multiple dating options, that’s a red flag to a lot of girls.
The double standard isn’t fair. I acknowledge this. But who says the dating scene is supposed to be fair?
Is it fair that I’ve paid for every first date I’ve ever been on, spending thousands of dollars within the last couple years alone, even in the 21st century with women being more financially independent?
Is it fair that I must work hard to play the role of the pursuer while the woman gets to sit back and play the role of the chooser?
Is it fair that men are biologically hornier which enables women to be the gatekeepers of sex and all things short-term?
No, none of these are fair. But they are laws dictated by biology and whining about them is a waste of time.
The man being the pursuer means that the more women he is able to attract in his pursuits, the more high value he must be as a man. At least, this is what is signaled to most women in the dating scene. The woman being the chooser and the gatekeeper of sex, means that the fewer sexual partners she’s had, the more high value she is to men. It’s easy for a good-looking woman to rack up scores of sexual partners. She has hundreds of men pursuing her and hundreds of easy options. It takes much more skill for a typical man to do the same, which is why he gains the respect of his male peers for doing so.
I’m not advocating for these rules, I’m merely observing them. I don’t advocate for the sun to one day explode and destroy the Earth several billion years from now, but laws of astrophysics tell us that is what’s bound to eventually happen.
I didn’t make the rules but I’ve learned them so I can play the game to the best of my ability, and I know that changing them is beyond human capability.
The dating scene is not fair, and I’m not sure that it was ever meant to be.
A woman who sleeps with dozens of men will still have plenty of lower value men to choose from when she decides to settle down. Men without better options. But the smart woman will be selective in her partners and make men earn her. Because Prince Charming wants a princess, he doesn’t want the tavern whore.