I found Alianna on a dating site. She was a thin, exotic-looking Arab girl. Probably one of the most beautiful girls I’ve interacted with.
At first glance, I mostly viewed her as just another top-tier piece of ass. I had no way of knowing that in just a few weeks time I’d be open to giving her my commitment.
I had been experimenting with a new line meant to get a girl’s number. After some initial banter, I told her I saw “potential in her” and suggested we move the conversation to texting.
It failed miserably. She was turned off by the “potential” bit and I was forced into some standard damage control. The interaction almost died right then and there. As a man who frequently crosses the line, I like to think I’ve gotten pretty good at backpedaling without actually saying the word “sorry”.
“Lol I didn’t mean to offend. I just think you seem a little more interesting than the other girls on here”
I quickly changed the subject with two truths and a lie. Her phone number came soon after.
To my surprise, she was absolutely a blast to talk to. There were no “wait an hour to text back” games. She almost always would text back immediately which allowed us to actually have a real conversation and build a real connection. Sometimes I’d hit her with a long delay to build suspense, but there was no need to constantly play the waiting game with a girl who was eager to talk and get to know me.
She was funny without being over-the-top. We shared the same ideas on fundamental issues. She condemned whores and completely opted out of the drinking, partying, popular girl lifestyle. She rolled her eyes at the behavior of the typical party slut and at the scandalous nature that consumed our generation. She had me reasonably convinced that she didn’t build deep connections like ours with any and every guy. Maybe it was all just a grand illusion, but she made me feel like my unique self had earned her interest.
She was also a virgin.
Sometimes I see men show skepticism when a young woman claims virginity. I realize it can sound unlikely in our time, but understand this: Mainstream culture now shames women for being virgins. Being a virgin is considered weird or socially unacceptable. For this reason, it takes courage not only for a girl to remain a virgin, but also for her to admit it. She cited her religious upbringing and good parenting from her mother as the primary cause for her chastity and discretion.
If a girl over the age of 18 tells you she’s a virgin, she’s likely telling the truth. Why would she take on society’s virgin shame unless she truly believed in discretion?
If you really want to know the common lie women tell, then here it is: “I’ve only slept with 7 guys”
Alianna grew up in the same city where I lived, but attended medical school five hours away. We were forced to wait a month before we could meet each other.
I would have liked to meet her as soon as I could but didn’t mind the wait. I knew that with a connection like the one we had, keeping the momentum going wouldn’t be an issue.
It was almost too good to be true how well we vibed. I’ve met and gone on dates with hundreds of girls but I’ve never experienced anything like this. I started getting accustomed to waking up to her texts and getting daily pictures of her. Even my past relationships didn’t start off quite this strong. I could talk to her all day. I legitimately started wondering if this was my future wife that I was talking to.
She had a few orbiters in the friend-zone who were in love with her. I avoided that fate by simply assuming the attraction and escalating the interaction into a sexual nature quickly. I felt a sense of gratitude that I had the game-awareness needed to start things off from a sexual pretense.
She may have been a virgin but she he had an untapped fierce sexuality that I took great joy in unleashing. We would sext for hours and talk about all the dirty things we were going to do to each other when she was back home for the summer.
We’d go on and on about all the fun we would have together. We talked about going on trips. When I woke in the mornings, she would be the first thought that entered my mind. I looked forward to waking up next to her. I began having all kinds of girlfriend fantasies about her.
To my disbelief I even kind of enjoyed our hour long phone calls we would have a couple nights a week. It was like I was back in high school.
I started seeing my dreams of traveling the world as an international lothario begin to slip away. I started questioning if that dream is really just a response to my trouble with finding marriage-quality girls here at home. I wondered how I would keep my secret game blog relevant and active if I were in an exclusive relationship.
In the back of my head, I knew it was probably not a good idea to allow the interaction to get this involved and intense before we had even met each other in real life or had a chance to do some fooling around in bed. But I knew the connection we had was unique and could transcend those potential pitfalls. And I knew she wouldn’t flake on me.
Until she did.
It was a family emergency so we pushed our date back a week. We had waited this long, what’s one more week? Plus it was family stuff. I understand family takes precedence.
A few days before our rescheduled date was to take place, her attitude began to change. She started being short and rude. When I called her out on it by saying she was being bitchy she flipped out and didn’t speak to me. Our plans to meet were dashed.
For any other girl, this would have been the point where I hit the next button. But Alianna was different. I didn’t have a true connection with a girl like this very often. My scarcity mindset seduced me into keeping it going.
Her attitude and behavior never really improved. Despite all my game attempts to spark things back to the way they used to be, the sexual tone that had once laced our conversations had suddenly vanished. She was quick to shut down any kind of sexual flirting I initiated.
The interaction was beginning to break down. But I stubbornly clung to the thought that if I could just get her out and meet me in real life, then that would be the spark needed to rekindle the flame. It was only a few weeks prior that we had been so excited to meet each other. This wasn’t the way things were supposed to happen.
When the day came for our now third attempt at a date. She went radio silent all throughout the day. I didn’t hear from her until midnight when she cited a family emergency again. Her story checked out, but it was unacceptable to leave me hanging like that all day. I told her that I had defended her to my friends when they insisted I was probably getting catfished. I told her not to make a fool out of me.
She flipped out again. This time telling me we could never be together because she needed a partner who could comfort her through difficult times. She said if we meet, it will be as friends and nothing more.
I’m ashamed to admit that even at this point, I still wasn’t ready to cut her loose and walk. Instead, I made failed attempts to make her remember how great things were just a few weeks prior. The ability to walk away from a woman is one of the best qualities a man can have, but I just couldn’t muster it this time. I didn’t want to let go. Alianna made me realize the scarcity mindset I have when it comes to women I truly connect with who also have the marriage prerequisites.
Like an idiot, I continued down a dead-end road and gave her a fourth chance at meeting me out. Something I have never done in my entire life. When she flaked like I knew she would, I felt nothing, poured myself a stiff drink, and prepared to hit the bars by myself for the night. I’ll keep dating. I’ll keep fucking. I’ll keep travelling. And I’ll keep writing about all of it.
The real lesson to take away here is that you should never allow things to get too couple-y before you’ve actually spent time together in person (and ideally banged her if she’s not virgin). I already knew that but made the error of thinking this one “special” time could be an exception. Also, it’s crucial to avoid the scarcity mindset and remember that no matter how good of a match a girl may be for you, there is always someone out there who is just as good, if not better. Always. The world is a big place.
I took one last glance at the two month interaction I had with this ghost of a girl, a stranger who could have potentially derailed my life’s plan. I noted my mistakes for future reference, deleted her number, and life resumed its normal course. I never met Alianna.