Complete and utter darkness
30,000 feet above the Nevada desert, I peered out the window of a Boeing 747 and there was nothing to be seen. Just a black abyss that continued on forever.
No sign of life for as far as the eye could see.
And then suddenly, as if God himself came down from the heavens and said “Let there be light”, an oasis of stimulating luminosity appeared on the horizon.
This was the moment I had been dreaming of.
As an East Coaster, it took me 26 years of living before I finally made a point to cross Sin City off my bucket list. I grew up anticipating the day I would finally have my own “Hangover” experience.
Our plane made it’s approach toward the runway and a breath-taking sight of the Las Vegas strip and all of its castles came into view. This was my kingdom for the next 72 hours.
I had three nights to burn, a dozen pipelined girls ready to meet up, and six adderall extended releases purchased from my roommate to help me survive it all.
Sleep was not factored into my weekend itinerary
We had a group of six. Four girls and two guys, myself included. I love traveling alone, but I figured Vegas was a destination meant to be enjoyed in good company.
However, I did decide to shell out a few extra bucks for my own hotel room on the strip the first two nights. I’m in the business of getting laid after all. And sharing a room with 5 of your co-workers is what some might call a logistical cock block.
After settling in to my digs at Planet Hollywood, I left to go meet my group where they were staying at MGM Signature. It was much more classy than where I was staying, but also more boring.
You see, location is everything. And with Planet Hollywood being at the epicenter of the strip, it’s probably the best bang for your buck in terms of what kind of Las Vegas experience you’ll get.
Our first night was spent moseying around the casino at the MGM Grand.
After watching everyone lose hundreds of dollars at the blackjack tables we hit a food court on the strip and said our goodnights around 3 AM.
But really my night was just beginning
I had been texting a 20 year old Vegas local for a couple weeks that I had met through salt dating. Despite the fact it was three in the morning and I’d been awake for about 24 hours, she was ready to meet up and so was I.
I started walking back to Planet Hollywood. As I was making my trek down the strip, a black dude walked passed me and quietly whispered, “cohhh-caainne”. I won’t say I wasn’t tempted but I was already geeked on adderall and had another intoxicant on my mind. Pussy.
The girl told me to meet her at a nearby strip club. Evidently it was her 2nd night working there. Her career choice was news to me but I can’t say I was surprised.
Oh well It’s Vegas right?
This was my rationalization for getting an Uber to what must have been the sketchiest strip club in all of Las Vegas. Not even the 1 star rating on Yelp or the warning from my Uber driver not to walk around this side of town deterred me from the goal of getting laid my first night in Vegas.
I walked into the club and saw my girl sitting in the small lobby waiting for me.
She was a cute half-asian girl wearing nothing but a long silky kimono.
We exchanged hellos and I eyed her up in down. “You look cute”.
“Arigato” she replied as she seductively batted her eyelashes and stroked her fingers down the shiny robe.
I’ve never been especially attracted to Asian women but in this moment I felt the yellow fever coming on strong.
But the whole thing was a trap
She wanted to give me a private dance and I soon learned that came with an outrageous price.
I was already there. It was 4 in the morning. And I was pretty sure I could hook up with her if I just managed to stay awake a bit longer.
I said fuck it.
I paid for the stupid dance citing “Whatever it’s Vegas” as my justification.
Before leading me into a private room, the staff xeroxed my driver’s license, took my credit card hostage, and even made me dip my thumb in ink so they could get my fingerprint.
I feigned enjoyment as the girl danced on me but I was in sour mood from all the stupid shit I just agreed to. I had also been awake for well over 24 hours at this point. It was starting to become clear to me that I was getting played.
I thought I’d be able to sleep with her but it was beginning to look like I was just a customer.
The dance ended, I was exhausted, and she said she was down to meet up around 6AM after she got off work and showered.
I left the club expecting to never hear from her or see her again, cursing myself for being such a fucking idiot. She got her money. She was surely done with me.
I finally got back to my hotel room and was just about to pass out when she texted, “On my way”.
At this point I was so exhausted that I almost just ignored it. But I decided to rally for sake of it being my first night in Vegas.
She was my first stripper as far as I know.
She entered my room wearing a long mink coat and heavy make up. It was like she ordered her ensemble from a streetwalker fashion magazine.
We laid in my bed watching the local Vegas morning news. It was time to make a move.
“You took your lipstick off”, I noticed out loud as I touched her lip with my thumb.
“Well yeah in case I suck your face.. or suck your dick..”
You can guess what happened next.
She talked like a stoner but squeaked like a little mouse once I was inside of her. I went fast and hard enjoying her high-pitched screeches that came with every thrust.
After the deed was done, I rolled over and looked out the hotel room window to see a beautiful sunrise over the Bellagio. It was time to start the day.
Stories like these weren’t possible before I learned game. In the 21st century you no longer have to be a king or a rockstar to live like one.
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