With popular sugar dating sites exceeding 10 million users worldwide and 3.25 million in the United States, we are in the early phases of an all-out boom in casual mass prostitution.
Over the past year, I began to notice sugar baby culture slowly seeping into mainstream entertainment media and pop culture by casually appearing in more and more tv shows and songs.
The Netflix series Easy, has an episode called “Side-Hustle” which chronicles the life of a sex-positive feminist activist/writer/prostitute who lives in a swank Manhattan high-rise which is funded by her side-hustles.
You might be able to guess which of her gigs funds the lion’s share of the bills.
Another series called Love follows the relationship between the dorky nice-guy named Gus and the recovering sex-and-love-addict Mickey.
Gus spends most of the series essentially trying to turn a ho into a housewife while Mickey resents him for it but strings him along for the attention, comfort, and security he provides.
But while Gus isn’t looking, she constantly fields offers from other men. I recall a scene where Mickey explained she had guys paying her rent for a period of time.
Finally, the most talked about female rapper of this past year is Cardi B, a former stripper who quite literally raps about being a sugar baby prostitute.
She has Grammy-nominated lines such as “I let him get what he wants, He buys me Yves Saint Laurent” from the song Kodak Black and also “Fuck him then I get some money” from the song No Limit ft. G Eazy. Both of which are played on the radio hundreds of times per day, being absorbed and idolized by girls of all ages.
As I’ve said before, I support the legalization of prostitution. This isn’t about shaming anyone for doing what they want to do with their sex life.
But the concern I have is the sheer prevalence of secret and casual prostitution finding its way into the lives of more and more millennial woman.
And what’s most concerning of all is the complete lack of awareness that the men of my generation have about it.
Make no mistake, The Sugar Boom is coming.
And we will need to learn how to adapt to yet another massive shock to the sexual marketplace.
The New Normal
Once attractive women realize just how much money they can make and how their material lifestyle can be exponentially improved through monetizing their sexuality, most will simply be unable to resist the temptation.
Acquiring a sugar daddy will become another rite of passage into womanhood that follows a couple years after losing the V card and getting over that first high school heartbreak.
For now, most women are keeping prostitution one of their deepest and darkest secrets.
But the war on perception has been in full swing with the rise of concepts such as “slut-shaming”, a mechanism that guilts men into feeling like a bad person if he desires women who have sexual standards.
The “slut-shaming” scam is just a manipulative ploy for some women to have their cake and eat it too by removing the social repercussions associated with rampant promiscuity and prostitution.
Do Not Get Married
I recently got beers with a friend who also fools around in the SeekingArrangement (SA) scene. He showed me these texts he received from a young girl who recently got divorced. Names have been blurred for privacy.
After sharing the above screenshots with me, my friend and I had the following exchange:
Whoever the girl married, had two children with, and then divorced all in the span of two years likely had no idea she had a secret life of hooking on SA.
I can say that today I am deep into the acceptance phase and I’ve learned to stop judging or looking down on women for being prostitutes.
But what I can never support is the idea of women tricking men into thinking she is something that she is not. I can’t support the lies and deception I see in so many relationships today.
Women know that if they are open about their hooker-life then that means most guys probably won’t want to date them. So they rationalize that it’s okay to actively deceive their partners and not share their whole truth out of fear of being unloved.
I’ve learned that people only share their true selves when they have no fear of judgment and have nothing to lose.
And I’ve come to realize this usually means married couples can’t really share who they truly are with one another because they just have too much to lose.
Ironically, being someone’s casual sex partner is the judgment-free zone where you will get to see far more of the real person.
Whereas being someone’s romantic love partner is the judgment zone where you’ll usually only see a carefully crafted image.
Marriage and monogamy places a set of expectations on people that simply cannot be lived up to in a modern age where people have so many options and offers on the table.
A monogamous marriage in the millennial generation is a sham. A fairytale. A pipe dream
Our grandparents were able to do it successfully because they lived in a totally different climate where marital fidelity was supported and socially reinforced. But in the modern era, we must adapt to a new environment that is inhospitable to being with the same person for a long period of time.
Just Have Fun, Make Money, & Enjoy Life
The game has changed in the modern age. There are a new set of winners and losers. The winners are the men who model their lives after guys like Dan Bilzerian.
I spent too much of my mid-twenties feeling animosity towards a changing dating culture that transitioned away from romantic monogamy and shifted towards a more transactional and materialistic dating scene.
But I’ve since come to accept the reality of the world we live in.
Quite a few sugar daddies in their 40s and 50s have subscribed to my email newsletter. They’ll write to me how they’ve been through these horrible divorces, had their children taken from them, and lost most of their will to live.
But then they sign up for a month of SA and discover a new lust for life in banging out hot 20-somethings that they paid.
Can I really fault these men for getting a little enjoyment out of life this way after all the struggles they’ve been through?
Give me 20 years and I’ll probably be right there with them.
The animosity I felt towards casual widespread prostitution consuming the women of my generation was due mostly in part to my own delusions about modern dating. I stubbornly clung to this romantic idealization of monogamy, a concept that I’ve come to believe is a total fraud.
I felt threatened and jealous as I watched so many beautiful women in my dating pool choose to monetize their sexuality instead of using it to land the commitment of one good man who will care for them.
But I have accepted that the old days are over. We are in uncharted territory now. And instead of lamenting for the past, our generation should be focused on adapting to the future.
We live in a time where enough money to support a family can be made by typing keys on a keyboard. If you’re smart and disciplined, you can even make enough money online to quit your shitty office job. In the past, people had to actually do real work just to scrape by.
Marry yourself to the online hustle and create something out of nothing.
When it comes to women of the millennial generation, all I can do is advise men to just enjoy connecting with them in a more realistic fashion.
Understand that the euphoria you might experience when “falling in love” is short-lived. You don’t get to have that feeling forever. And it’s probably a little childish and naive to expect that kind of feeling to last long-term.
Humanity is imperfect and you can’t expect these dream fairytale relationships from any one person. We were brought up to believe that we could and it sucks that we were taught to believe in something that wasn’t true. But learning truths and unlearning lies is part of the human experience.
So the best advice I can offer is to search for a more realistic human connection. Something that is intimate, pleasant, and fun. And enjoy it for the limited time that you can because nothing lasts forever.