Have you ever woken up at noon on a Saturday lamenting your previous night out at the bars and wished you had done something differently?
Your head is pounding, your entire day is shot, you’re about $100 poorer, and you woke up alone.
Once you’ve experienced this many times, you have to ask yourself if what you’re getting out of it is worth the time, energy, and money that you’re putting into it.
I’ve had many hungover mornings like this and after a few cups of coffee and some Advil I’d begin to think about what I could have done differently to make the previous night more fun or more fruitful.
I’ve developed a personal “going out checklist” that I think is good to review before heading out to the bars. It’s also good for referring back to throughout the course of the night.
Some guys will say that you shouldn’t worry so much about it and just be your natural self. I get where they’re coming from, you don’t want to feel like you’re going off of a script all night.
But I also believe in the idea of “do what you’ve always done and you’ll get what you’ve always got”.
If you want to get more out of your nightlife then you’re going to have to push yourself out of your comfort zone and try out different things to see what works for you.
Below is a list of items I try to stay cognizant of while enjoying a night out at the bar.
Never be the first to break eye contact.
Fish for eye contact at the bar and don’t break away until she does, even if she catches you looking at her first.
When I was younger, it was a natural reaction for me to rapidly dart my eyes away whenever a girl would catch me looking at her. I finally started to kick myself every time this would happen until this weak behavior left me for good.
Throughout the course of a normal day, there are usually a few times where someone will make eye contact with me a few seconds after I’ve already been looking at them.
I override the natural impulse to dart my eyes away like a terrified cat and instead hold eye contact for a second or two before slowly and calmly moving my eyes onto whatever stimuli I come across next.
Review a few openers and have them floating around in your head for the night, ready to spit out at a moment’s notice.
You don’t have to memorize a script but it’s not a bad idea to have something light and fun at the ready.
If you’ve ever been to a bar you know that the window of opportunity with any given girl can sometimes be as short as 3 three seconds before she moves on you never see her again for the rest of your life.
Have an environmental opener specific to that night. Or just ask a harmless question to gauge how open she is to chatting with new people.
These don’t have to be complicated. Sometimes I’ll be standing at the bar trying to get a drink and I’ll ask the cute girl next to me if she knows what time the bar closes and if there are any good late night bars around.
You might be surprised what interesting conversations arise from basic questions that you ask strangers. Of course, you’ll get blown off sometimes, somewhere in that bar is a girl that would love the idea of talking to you. Your job is to find her.
The opener isn’t about getting her attracted to you or seducing her with a pick up line. It’s about making simple words come out of your mouth so that a conversation can begin. More examples here: How To Cold Approach
Be Self Aware
I wrote a post awhile back called Avoid Drunken Autopilot.
When I was in college I would drink myself into a zombie-like state where I put no cognitive energy or critical thinking into the conversations I was having with people around me.
My drunken hindbrain would react to the stimuli of the environment around me while the logical thinking side of my brain retired for the night.
I started fixing this when I just took a step back from at all. I’d take a sip from my beer as I surveyed the environment, scanning the bar or party with my eyes and making note of all the little details.
I’d repeat simple mantras to my self like “Be self-aware” and “think through your actions and choices – don’t just react”.
This helped me to make a conscious effort to get more out of the night rather than just being a reactive zombie, always saying and doing the first natural thing that comes to mind.
Sometimes it’s better to have some internal dialogue with yourself and take just one second to think before speaking.
Charisma and Confidence
Lastly, do whatever you need to do to get into a confident state where you’re ready to talk to people that you don’t know.
Visualize yourself getting a hot girl’s number. Get excited to go and get the first rejection out of the way so you can filter through to the yes’s.
Are you the #1 best looking guy in the entire bar? Probably not but you’re going to act like you are regardless.
That’s the mentality to have.
Get yourself to a point in life where your sexual needs are exceeded and you have more prospective hookups simmering than you know what to do with.
That way, you can take a more light-hearted and outcome independent approach to talking to girls in bars.
If someone blows you off you just laugh it off and are completely unfazed. You’d like to hook up with the girl you’re talking to, but you genuinely don’t care if you don’t.
Internalize the behavior a man would have if he had a harem of women waiting for him back home.
Do this long enough and it will become a self-fulfilling prophecy.