Conventional dating advice commonly advocates some of the most harmful and counter-productive measures for repairing strained relationships.
“Keep the lines of communication open”
“Just be yourself”
This is the advice that sounds good on paper. It makes you feel good. Because in theory, it’s what should work.
It’s logical. And that’s the problem.
A successful relationship requires an apt understanding of human nature and emotional behavior. We must abandon ideas of what should work and focus rather on what does work.
You can’t approach relationships with straight-forward logical measures that one might take dealing with people at work or at school. Instilling desire is an emotional process.
It would be great if we could enter into a relationship and “just be ourselves”. We could stop playing the seductive mind games. We could stop making conscious efforts to be as attractive as possible. No longer would we have to stay cognizant of how we’re being perceived and how our behavior turns our girlfriends on or off.
But this is not reality. Game can be a burden. But relationships need game. And the one of the most effective means of keeping the interest and excitement level high is dread game.
In essence, dread game is subtly communicating that you have other dating options which gives rise to a woman’s anxiety that you could very well exercise those options. If done correctly, this should in turn make her work harder to please you and earn your affections.
Here are a few ways you can employ Dread game and make it work for your relationship.
Step 1: Ask Yourself If It’s Worth It
Before you even go down this road, you need to ask yourself if it’s worth it. Repairing a damaged relationship takes a massive amount of work. So you want to be 100% sure it’s worth the effort. If not, you’re better off just breaking up, improving your game on your own, and enjoying bachelorhood for awhile.
Are you truly in love with your girlfriend or are you just addicted to her? Ask yourself this: If you could go back in time knowing everything that you know now – would you still begin a relationship with her?
If the the answer is not a resounding yes, then you should just break up with her, eat the heartbreak, and come out a stronger man.
Only use dread game to repair or improve a relationship with a girl that you are 100% sure is worth it.
Step 2: Create A Life Outside Of Your Wife
If you’re not exercising at least 4 days a week then that’s where you should start. Also pick up a few masculine hobbies and start joining organizations that put you in front of attractive women. Scour the internet for local groups that you could see yourself joining. Resurrect your social life if you’ve let it die down.
When I was in college, I made the mistake of spending all of my free time with my girlfriend. I didn’t realize it at the time, but this was probably the best way of killing her desire for me. Give girls the gift of missing you.
Women have a funny way of trying to mold you into their ideal partner. But ironically once you start submitting to those pressures and become what she wants you to be is exactly when you’ll notice a decline in your sex life. Always be a challenge.
And finally ask yourself this question: Are you the same man who originally attracted her in the first place? If not, try to bring back an attractive part of you that the comfort of a relationship may have killed off.
Step 3: Cultivate Options
Women love a man who has options but decides to forego those options for commitment with her. Your girlfriend or wife MUST be firmly aware that you have all the options in the world, but you’ve simply chosen her in light of those options.
If she starts feeling like you’re the one who has “scored” with her then her attraction and affection towards you will be a downward spiral. You must set up the frame as her being the one who “scored” getting with you.
The best way to do this is let her see that other women desire you.
Step 4: Specific Examples
There are two key concepts important to dread game. Subtlety and plausible deniability. Don’t forget you need both of them to successfully execute dread.
Are you at a party or a pregame with loud chatty girls in the background? Perfect time to find an excuse to give your girl a call!
Do you have a cute co-worker or classmate? Start casually mentioning her name in the stories you tell your girlfriend about your day at work. Talk about how she did something funny or out-of-the-blue. Do this a couple weeks before the company Christmas party or some other event when you know your girlfriend will meet her and see that she’s hot.
Keep in mind there are different levels to dread. Some are best used for resurrecting a sexless relationship. If you’re a bachelor, you can use dread for getting a new girl hooked on you. To spike her anxiety try sending her what I outline below in this screencap taken from my book Snapchat Seduction which includes a whole section of “Dread” Snapchats you can send.
Works best on a Sunday morning or early afternoon when she knows you went out the night before.
Good dread game is the subtle injection of jealousy. It’s inciting that twinge of fear that she could potentially lose you to someone else if her behavior is not up to par.
Or if it’s a new girl that you’re not exclusively dating, then good dread game is inciting a smaller amount of jealously that might just make her realize how into you she really is. Sometimes a little jealously routine is all it takes to give her that little push from “not that interested” to jumping your bones.
Conventional advice will tell you that “communication” is the key to successful relationship. This usually results in men attempting to directly communicate their unhappiness to their wife that she no longer desires him the way she used to. They put all their cards on the table and attempt to solve the problem logically like they would do at work or at school.
As Rollo Tomassi says, “You can’t negotiate desire”.
Instead of directly communicating to your wife or girlfriend that you’d like more affection or sex (which will be perceived as whining and get you even less affection and sex) you need to demonstrate that you are desired by others and could easily have relationships with others if you so choose.
Again, subtlety and plausible deniability are key here. You’re not blatantly trying to make her jealous. You’re “just being social” with those girls at the party because you’re a friendly guy.
You’re going to go out and enjoy the shit out of life whether your girl wants to join in with you or not.
The best relationship advice I can give to a man has nothing to do with direct communication, going to counseling, or just being yourself. It’s making sure your wife or girlfriend never forgets that you have all the options in the world – you’ve just decided to choose her (assuming she continues to meet your wants and needs).