When meeting girls at bars and clubs, it’s best to put them into one of two categories as quickly as you can. Girls who are down and girls who are not down.

Another way of saying it would be that there are girls who go out to bars who are completely closed to the idea of meeting a new man. She just wants to chat with her friends and is not interested in having a conversation with someone she doesn’t know.

On the opposite side of the spectrum, there are girls who go out hoping to be approached and will feel let down if no one even tries.


It would be nice if girls wore some type of sign that indicated which category they fall into. That would save you a lot of time and some awkward conversations. However, the next best thing you can do is put a girl into a category after about 5-10 minutes of talking to her.


Down or Not Down.


In reality, her openness to meeting a new man is probably more of a variable spectrum rather than two neat little categories, but putting her in one of two boxes simplifies the process for you and gets you closer to the girls who ARE down.


Any given night, you only have about 4-5 hours to meet and talk to girls at these bars so you need to use your time wisely. You don’t want to spend 3 hours chatting up a girl who’s not down. Some girls just aren’t having it. It’s not you, it’s them. Even a guy better looking and smoother talking than you could come along and he still wouldn’t have any luck. Your job when approaching is to quickly weed these girls out.


You can usually tell very quickly if she’s not interested in having a conversation with you. When I approach girls and I can’t think of anything clever to say, I fall back on an old faithful opener. I get near them in a subtle way while looking down at my phone. I then look to her and say, “Hey I have a question, if a girl says ‘I love you’ for the first time and she’s drunk, does it still count?”


The reactions I’ve received from this line range from a girl making out with me on the spot to a girl completely ignoring me and walking away.


Do these varying reactions have anything to do with my opener or my vibe? Usually not. It’s mostly based on how open she is that particular night.


By observing their tone, energy level, body language, and questions that they ask you, you can tell rather quickly if she’s interested in having a conversation tonight with a man she doesn’t know (you).


If there isn’t a trace of interest, excitement, or fun to be found in her initial vibe, I usually will end the interaction after 5 or 10 minutes. A simple “Well it was nice to meet you” is all that is needed. Sometimes she’ll beat you to it.

The most important thing to remember is to NOT let this one interaction deter you from talking to the next approachable girl you see. Remember that the girls who are down are everywhere, you just have to weed through the not-downs.

You can’t expect to be well-received by every girl you talk to. Take comfort in knowing that there are literally hundreds of millions of girls in the world that are good-looking enough to spark your interest. You have so many options. It doesn’t matter when a few don’t pan out.


When a girl writes you off after you’ve gathered the courage to approach, remember this: Every night, in every bar scene, there is a girl somewhere out there who will warmly receive your approach. Your job is to find her.


So what if your approach is well-received? Escalate until you hit the ceiling. Start giving her flirty touches on the arm. Bet her that you can get served first at the bar. Play two truths and a lie with her. Ask her if she only had one night to go out in whatever city you’re in, where would she go? Get her on the dance floor. Tilt her chin up with your curled index finger and kiss her. Tell her to give you her number because you want to text her something hilarious. Then text her the literal words “Something hilarious” right then and there. Suggest going back to your place to try this amazing new wine you just got or to watch Jimmy Fallon skits from The Tonight Show that she just HAS to see. 


Of course, a lot of the time, you’ll hit the ceiling before getting her back to your place. Get her number and get her on a date.


Girls you talk to in bars in clubs are either going to be down or not down. “Down” in this context doesn’t necessarily mean down to fuck, it just means open to having a conversation with you and possibly more. Escalate the interaction with the girls who are down, end the interaction with the girls who are not down.

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