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Hey I came across your website last week. I forgot how.  I guess I was feeling really frustrated and just googled random stuff.  It’s certainly an eye opener.

I’m 29, from the UK, 5ft 5 and deaf.  I don’t sign but I speak relatively fine with a speech impediment.

What I usually find is that on a date this happens.

  • We have a great time, she’s responding great to my conversation then it goes dead.  I take her back to the bus stop. Then the next day I get a text saying “I’ve had a great time but no spark sorry”.
  • We have a great time, she’s responding great to my conversation, we do some flirting, she’s laughing so much, we make out at the bar, then I go back to hers for some fun, we arrange to meet again.  Then the next day I get a text saying “I’ve had a great time but no spark sorry”.
  • We have a great time, she’s responding fantastically, we make out, we arrange to meet again.  Few days later…Her texts become less frequent.  She becomes more cold.  She starts to flake.  Then just stops talking to me altogether.  This happens more often now.

3 weeks ago I met a 10 off bumble.  She was so intelligent, understanding of my disability, 3 inches taller than me, so stunning.  We texted every day for ages . She would text me first.  We met, she said she had a fantastic night.  We met again a few days later and she asked me back to her place.  We had an amazing night.

I couldn’t get her out of my mind.  She started to get quiet.  I found it was me texting her first than the other way around.  Then she told me she didn’t have time to date.  Then her texts got slower, shorter, boring.  I called her on it.  She blocked me.

I was GUTTED.  She was probably the most intelligent and attractive woman I’ve ever met.  I think that was when I googled and came across your site.

Are you able to offer me any advice? Just to stop my beta self sabotaging behaviour?  As I keep telling myself to stop…but end up doing it!

 


 

My Response

First of all, if you feel your 5’5 height is a limitation then I have some good news for you. You don’t have to settle for your natural height. The height that nature gave me was 5’8. Fuck that.

Every time I leave the house, I wear boots from Thursday Boot Company that add an additional 1.25 inches. This gets me to 5’9.

Every time I go to the bar, I wear insoles inside of my boots that give me an additional 2 inches. This gets me to 5’11.

Every time a girl asks “how tall are you” I round up one extra inch. This gets me to 6’0.

So congratulations my 5’9 friend, you just grew 4 inches. Here are some additional tips I wrote on how men can improve their looks.

 


I’ve learned that anytime you perceive a girl as “a 10”, it will never work out and you’ll never actually get her.

The reason is that just because you associate her as a “10” in your mind it will cause all kinds of needy and supplicative behavior to subconsciously leak out and consequently turn her off.

If you treat her like a ’10’ then she’s going to know you think she is above you. Women don’t fuck their worshippers.

Try a new way of looking at things. From now on, there are no more 9s. There are no more 10s. There are no longer even any girls who are hot. There are only girls who are either kinda cute or girls who are not cute.

This paradigm shift has helped my confidence tremendously and has prevented me from putting girls on a pedestal. Once you have her in bed, that’s when you can ease up a little the and allow yourself to see her as a “10”.


If multiple dates are telling you that there’s no spark, then that probably means you’re not escalating things to a sexual level at the right time when she’s comfortable with you and ready for you to take things to the next level.

Dates should start getting sexual around the 30-minute mark. On my dates, I like to have some standard getting-to-know-each-other chat for half an hour or so and then go into the “questions game”.

The questions game is a perfect way to transition into a more flirtatious and sensual mood. It gets her to open up about her own sexual experiences and gets the two of you talking about sex. If don’t talk about sex or anything sex-related on a date, then the date will have no spark.

A great way to start the questions game is “So where’s the craziest place you’ve ever had sex?” I go into more detail about the questions game here. 

 

 

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  • TehPancaekMouse

    5 foot 5, speech impediment, and dating 10s from Bumble?

    You must have some sort of face, anon.

    Agreed about sex talk on dates. I hate the questions game. It feels too contrived. I transition naturally by talking about Tinder or past boyfriends.

    • After awhile you do start to feel like a stand up comic giving a performance. Go with whatever fits your style the best