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cpt022 asks,


So, I am a fairly good looking, (academically)intelligent guy with a good engineering job but limited social skills and no pickup skill and am looking for some advice. I live in an upscale apartment in a young professional neighborhood and there are a lot of hot young women in my building. I occasionally run into them on the elevator. They seem to often pull out their cell phones when they are alone with me on the elevator. For example, I get on an elevator with 2 other people (older woman, hot girl, and me). The hot girl acts normal, looking at the floor # indicator when there is a third person on the elevator. As soon as the third person leaves, and we are alone, she pulls out her cell phone even though she is getting off the elevator in about 5 seconds. Why did she do that? Did she feel the need to distract herself? Did she want me to ask for her number even though I’ve never talked to her? I seem to always see girls pulling out their phones on elevators when I am around them, both at work and at my apartment.

Also, what is the best way to approach a girl in an elevator when you only have around 10 seconds before going separate ways? It doesn’t help that I experience “deer in the headlights” anxiety when alone with a hot girl. I don’t do or say anything for a few seconds and before I know it, they are gone. What should I be doing to take advantage of opportunities to meet hot girls?


It’s pretty common these days to immediately reach for the smartphone when we’re stuck waiting around on something. Whether you’re standing in a line, sitting in a waiting room, or taking the elevator, we all feel the impulse to pass the time by staring into a screen rather than taking a risk and talking to a nearby human being.

You said you experience “deer in the headlights” anxiety when you’re trying to psych yourself up to talk to a girl. So start with baby steps. The next time a cute girl is in the elevator with you, your goal isn’t to sweep her off her feet or get her number.  Your goal is to simply state an observation or ask a “confused tourist” question.

Say something like:

“Hey would you know where a good sushi spot is nearby?”

“This elevator is so slow. I was in X city last month and all the elevators were so much faster, it was crazy”

“Do you know where the gym is in our building? Is it any good or is it too small?”

Surely you can say one of those statements or questions out loud. For now, don’t worry about getting her number. Don’t worry about seducing her and making her fall in love with you. At first, your goal is to just make noises come out of your mouth. Don’t have any agenda or outcome in mind.

Once you feel comfortable speaking to strangers in this way, try to layer in a few more statements and questions. Then after you’ve talked for a few seconds, introduce yourself by saying, “I’m ____ by the way”

Be sure to keep an upbeat and happy energy so it will seem like you’re just a outgoing chatty guy. If your energy is too low she may think you’re only talking to her because you want to fuck her. You can follow up by asking if she’s lived in the building long and ask how she likes it so far. Once you’re ready to go for the number, in this instance, I would probably say that you’re planning a party or a pregame at your place next weekend and that she should stop by. If she agrees, get her number so you can “keep her updated”. You can throw together a party if you want or just tell her you had to postpone it because your aunt died or something came up at work.

This approach would be described as indirect. You could also go direct and just state your interest and intention upfront.

“Hey you’re cute and I really like your style. I don’t normally do this but I know would have kicked myself all day if I didn’t talk to you. We should grab a drink sometime if you want.”

Direct game is high-risk high-reward. You send a shock to her system and her calm boring day is turned upside down with your ballsy statement of interest. You might get a yes and then you move things along faster since it’s now clear she’s already into you.

But keep in mind cute girls get these kinds of direct proposals more often than you might realize. So much so that her instinct is usually to invent a boyfriend on the spot and use that as an excuse as to why she can’t talk to you anymore. And it’s true that girls will often default to this defense mechanism even if they initially found you attractive. Probably because she’s had some uncomfortable experiences with strange men being too pushy in the past. So you’ll risk being lumped in with all those guys if you go direct.

I prefer a more indirect method where I don’t risk scaring her off before she has a chance to see that I’m a cool normal guy who has been “pre-approved” by other girls.

It may be a little sneakier, but in the beginning when the two of you are just strangers in an elevator, I think it’s acceptable to bend the truth a bit for logistics-sake. I’ve had many instances where I’d manufacture some scenario like a fake party just to get a girls number. Then after I’ve slept with her, I’ll come clean about how I totally made something up just to talk to her. And every time she’s flattered and thinks it’s cute that I went out of my way and was creative enough to attract her in a smooth and non-awkward way.


Read Next: How To Cold Approach



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