Flaking has become an all out epidemic in 21st century dating. If you haven’t been flaked on then that means you haven’t been putting yourself out there.
Flaking is especially high among online dating, as I’m sure you’re already aware if you’ve given Tinder a try.
Here are a few ways you should be able to reduce flaking.
Ramp up frequency of texting as date approaches
Let’s say it’s Sunday and you just got a girl to agree to a date on the coming Thursday. You then go merrily about your week not putting much thought into the upcoming date. Thursday afternoon rolls around and you decide to shoot her a text to make sure it’s still on.
I’ve got some news for you. You’re not going on a date.
What happened is the momentum fizzled out over the course of the week because you didn’t talk to her. She no longer feels whatever made her feel compelled to agree to a date with you. Remember she’s got dozens of other guys pining after her at any given time.
A good approach would have been to have a short back-and-forth on Tuesday, a few more back-and-forths on Wednesday, and Thursday text her again around lunch time.
Pro Tip: Don’t ask her if the date is still on. Weak. Assume it’s on and remind her by saying something like “Be sure to wear something hot tonight.. so we’ll match”
There is no better way to keep momentum going than Snapchat. Building a connection through texting can easily backfire by over-texting. I.e., texting her back faster than she texts you and sending her longer texts than what she sends you.
Too much texting can subtlety communicate that you have her on pedestal. Not enough texting will make the spark die out. An easy way around this is just by sending her a Snapchat.
Snapchats don’t really require a full length conversation. Instead you just show your face and sense of humor which will keep a connection sustained long enough to make her feel comfortable meeting you out on a date.
Another great way to go from “Guy she met on Tinder” to “Real life cool guy” is by telling her to follow your Instagram page. I’ll usually say something like “Follow me on Instagram so I can make sure you’re not a Tinder serial killer haha” and then give her my handle. If you have your profile set up properly, this will also boost the attraction she has towards you and make her want to meet you.
I was historically using Facebook for this but can’t recommend that anymore because mutual Facebook friends will pop up on Tinder. While this might seem like a good thing at first, it becomes a bad thing when you’ve done this so many times that your 1 or 2 mutual friends are other girls that you’ve also met off Tinder. Plus, Facebook is just a waste of time.
I’m sure there is a Gen X’er reading this with no intention of signing up for any of the annoying apps I’ve described so far. That’s okay because calling her on the phone is probably the best way to reduce flaking (if you can get her to pick up). I don’t actually do this so fair warning, this part is complete keyboard jockeyism. However, I feel compelled to write about because I’ve heard many success stories from other guys who still call girls in 2017.
Personally, I hate talking on the phone. Talking on the phone is an efficient process for me. Get necessary information as quickly as possible and then hang up. I’ve made exceptions for a handful of girls in my lifetime that I enjoyed talking to for long periods of time.
However, if you enjoy talking on the phone then you should definitely give this a try. Your voice will build comfort and it also shows you have the balls to actually pick up the phone and call someone.
It might strike some as odd to speak sexually to women before actually meeting them in real life. But it’s really not that uncommon and I’ve managed to do it plenty of times. It does require some risk. You could overstep her boundaries and get called a creep. But that’s happened to me less than 10% of the time and I lived to tell the tale so I think it’s often a risk worth taking.
The key is throwing out innocent-ish little feelers and escalating from there. Questions like “What would we be doing if you were here right now?” and “Significant personal question: thongs or cheekies?” have led to some great sexting back-and-forths.
Also purposefully misinterpreting her question when she asks “what are you doing?”
A full guide to sexting is beyond the scope of this blog post but covered in depth in my book Snapchat Seduction
We’ll never live in a world where flaking doesn’t happen. But with the steps outlined above, you can hopefully reduce some of the frustration that comes with flaking.
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